The Song Is Over
by Dustbowl Dance
Summary: For Rachel. 'I'm sorry I bothered you so much.' caitlyn/nate/mitchie


**to Rachel**

**this is not one of my favorites, but I promised it for someone. Let me know what you think. I wouldn't consider this angst, but rather reflective.**

I wish I could write a piece of music or literature, so astounding, so moving, that anyone who read this would be moved to tears and weep for my almost love story. You would be embarrassed, Nate, but you would enjoy the beautifully strung words.

But I can only write what I know, and that's not much. Just a pathetic collection of memories, and my broken-heartedness that not once in our entire friendship did you ever feel the say way for me.

Do you ever feel ashamed at the way you strung me along, taking advantage of my obvious feelings for you to get what you wanted? Probably no, huh? If you did, I don't think you'd have the nerve to be so casual around me, like you never destroyed my heart so carelessly.

Remember the first time we met, for real? You and Shane and Jason had just finished recording with Peggy, and I came by because my six months were finally up on my driver's license restrictions, and I was going to drive Peggy home. You and Jason were waiting outside with her, and you shook my hand. As you did so, a lock of hair fell into your eyes, and I felt my face get really warm. I knew at that moment, however cheesy it may seem now, that you were going to have a big impact on my life, good or bad.

Little did I know that was just the beginning.I saw you a few times after that, at random places. You would always say H_ello Caitlyn, how are you?_ and I would always blush and utter a one word answer. Mitchie would always look at me after you'd walk away and wiggle her eyebrows, like there was something going on between you and me. And I would roll my eyes and try not to blush.

Do you remember when Mitchie and Shane started dating, how it was the same day as the launch party for the new album you guys made, and you came over while I was talking to Mitchie? We talked for, like, over an hour, about all these different things. I made some jokes and you actually laughed at them. And you know what the best part was? When I asked what it was like to work with Rex Riley, you leaned in close and I could feel your breath on my cheek as you told me that I would have made a better producer than _the_ Rex Riley. That was probably the greatest compliment I've ever gotten. Mitchie left at the point, wanting to let the two of us be semi-alone. You watched her leave, and I watched you. You looked at me and smiled, that crooked grin I love so much, and I felt tingles. You walked away and left me breathless.

We ran into each other a lot over the next few months at different parties, and when Mitchie and Shane went out and we were the tagalongs because Connie wouldn't let Mitchie go on a date by herself, I felt kind of like we were already dating, in a way: we'd done so many things that couples do, like going to dinner and sharing popcorn when we went to those cheesy school carnivals. I'll confess, Nate, even when I didn't feel like going, the thought of being able to see you at all was even to change my mind. You were pretty much the reason I said yes to tagging along.

I think the most romantic thing, though, was when it was my birthday, and Tess wanted to do something nice, apologetic, and rebellious at once by throwing me a party. It was nice, because she was throwing me a party in her honor, apologetic because she really wanted us to be friends again, and rebellious because TJ _never_ lets Tess throw parties. It was in the middle of the party, and everyone was breaking into clusters. Mitchie, Tess, and I were talking. Mitchie had been sticking close by me during the party because she and Shane had broken up a few weeks before, and Tess was really making an effort to be a good friend. You came over to our little group and said _Happy seventeenth, birthday girl_, and I got the most insane case of the butterflies when I realized how close you were standing to me. You asked if I would step outside with you, and I about died on the spot. You led me to the lawn in the backyard, away from the giggles escaping Mitchie and Tess, and we both laid down on the grass. It was just the two of us, looking up at the stars. It was the perfect moment.

And then you ruined it.

_Hey, Caitlyn, _you said, _can I ask you a question?_ And I said yes, hoping beyond all hope that you were finally going to ask me out. Especially on my birthday, the day that miracles are supposed to happen. _Do you think I have a chance with Mitchie?_

Mitchie.

Mitchie.

Not Caitlyn.

Mitchie. The girl with the amazing voice, who can cook, and who always looks so gorgeous.

Of course you would want Mitchie. She's like a Caitlyn 6.0. Why settle for hamburger when you can have steak, right?

Somehow I managed to respond, and you left me, presumably to ask out Mitchie.

It was all about Mitchie, wasn't it? It was always a bout Mitchie. You only said hello that first day to be polite. You only said _Hello Caitlyn, how are you?_ before you spent five minutes chatting with Mitchie. The more I thought about it, you only went on those dates, probably, to see Mitchie, because you cared about her as much as I cared about you, and you just wanted to see her. I think I'd feel bad for you, if I weren't so hurt.

You only put up with me to score brownie points with my best friend.

Well, it worked, didn't it? You got the girl. She told me how surprised she was that you showed so much interest in her, how she could've sworn you were into me.

That's what I thought too. But I overlooked the fact that Mitchie's almost perfect, and I, Caitlyn, will never be anything other than average. I could never be good enough for someone like you. Never pretty enough, talented, smart, or funny enough. I'm a stupid sidekick. It was pointless to think that could change.

On the other hand, I would never sink low enough to use someone to get to their friend. I'm not sure even Tess would ever do that. But _you_ did. And you're quite happy.

My heart sinks a little more every time I see the two of you together, knowing I wasn't good enough for you, Nate. Knowing that I was so close, but so far? It _kills_. Mostly I'm angry at myself, for ever thinking I had a chance with you. Of course I wasn't who you wanted. Of course.

I won't become the bitter, resentful type, and try to ruin your life because I'm unhappy. I will move on int time, and maybe even find someone I care about as much as I care about you. I'm not going to waste my life pining over you because of something I exaggerated in my mind. I consider it my first true crush.

I won't bother you anymore, Nate. Instead, I'll try my best to stay out of your way, because I know you don't really want me around. I won't cause a scene, and I won't spread vicious gossip like I feel like doing. I won't even hate you. I'll just blend in and be the camouflage you've probably so desperately wished I could have been the whole time I fawned over you.

Enjoy your time with Mitchie, Nate. I'm sorry I bothered you so much.

--

_fin_


End file.
